“We are just kids who grew up way too fast.” – The Cab
Did you ever tried losing something and in the process of looking for that missing item you found something that has been lost for a long time? Last Saturday, June 18, I just did.
I haven’t been quite myself for these past few weeks. For one, I’m adjusting to the new schedule and new assignments given to me; two, I’m adjusting with new colleagues, and somehow reminiscing the days I had with my friends – confidante who have decided to leave the company; and lastly, I have been itching to go out for an adventure, but due to financial and time constraints, I can’t. I’m trying to find the usual, old me…but no matter how I try, I just can’t.
Then the seminar on poetry happened last Saturday. I was busy browsing the Internet when a colleague invited me to their seminar. I was hesitant at first; at the back of my mind, I was thinking that it would just be another boring, tiring, highfalutin seminar. But curiosity killed the cat. I joined them. The speaker was in the middle of her talk regarding the use of prompts in poem making. Before she continued with the next topic, she asked the audience this question:
What do want to become when you grow up? I could picture my four year old self imagining something very far from what I’m doing right now – very far from spending weekends by squeezing juices from my dried up brain, at the same time dealing with people who seemingly has ten entities packed up in a single body. Aging has taught me how to be “mature” and to conform to how society works. And with this thing that they call as “growing up”, I slowly forgot my childhood dreams and started “to think” the way “mature” people do – do things in accordance to what makes the other people happy, what other people approved.
Everything has become a routine; doing things even with eyes closed: wake up, prepare for work, deal with people with individual differences, evaluate documents, receive additional (and sometimes unimportant) tasks, go home, sleep, and repeat cycle till fade. It’s like a song you got LSS to, but this time, no matter how hard you try to deviate from it; you can no longer avoid it. The routine has become a part of my system, eating me up that I no longer know how to handle things if they don’t function according to how they were patterned. Eventually, after years, I forgot what I used to dream. I lost that dream I so dearly hold in my heart.
Of course, I didn’t share this to the body. Yes, I do have stage frights, even if I’m not on stage. WAHAHAHA. The speaker continued with the next topic – poem prompts completion. She asked us to write on the spot, without thinking too much, without relegating to society what we feel inside. I came up with this:
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If I were a shoe
I would love to test my limits everyday
Sometimes I would go through paths left without trails
Because I love challenges and taking the road less traveled
My bestfriend would be a trek pole
and we would journey every day
Every adventure time, I would be happy
because if I were a shoe,
I could go anywhere life will bring me to.
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The sharing followed, some of the members of the congress shared, but I stared blankly at my piece. Writing poems with the use of prompts is so childish… so basic. But this simple activity reminded me something about my four year old self – that I once wanted to become a writer, a poet, a storyteller. This had been a dream that has been forgotten, dumped into the corner, treated as it has not existed at all until that sudden moment of rediscovery.
What I thought to be long forgotten has been resting at the subconscious part of my head, waiting to acknowledged for the worth it once had in my life. It didn’t die after all. It has been with me, will always be – waiting until the universe will conspire, and finally put into realization what my heart secretly yearns, even if it’ll be against all odds. Probably, we are indeed just kids who grew up way too fast.
I hope you’ve found yours, and remembered what it once meant to you. You can start by filling out these prompts used during our seminar. Have a good day and may you find your own collection of lost things, hopes, and dreams. Let us not let the kid inside us die. May you find yourself, finally. :) :) :)
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If I were ________________________
I would love ________________________
Sometimes ____________________________________
Because ______________________________________
My bestfriend would be __________________________
and we will ____________ every day
Every _________ time, I would be happy
because if I were _____________,
I could _________________________________________.
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Dakilanglaagan 