I’d like to believe that this is a spur of the moment reaction, but the emotions inside me are bursting the way the sun tries to illuminate the cloudy skies on a stormy days. I couldn’t help it. It’s suffocating. You have been constantly appearing on my dreams and occupying my mind every time I space out. God knows how I tried to shoo you away; but no matter what I do, I just can’t shut you up. And so here I am, on one corner of my workplace, attacking the keyboard of this laptop, trying to figure out what to do with what I feel; because as far as I’m concerned, writing has been my sole comfort place – my antidote, my personal brand of ecstasy.
Just as how poor I am with directions, I just can’t trace back how I fell for you. Was it your contagious smile? Your mean jokes? Crazy interruptions? Random outbursts? Or simply the way you talk about your love for nature and your passion to take good care of it? I don’t know. Simply put, I just found myself waking up one day feeling something weird towards you. I began to look forward to seeing your face on screen, making random chats, and posting side comments on my posts. Just the mere thought of you creates a tingling sensation on my chest down to my stomach. Butterflies, they call it. I began to imagine climbing more mountains, discovering the depths of the ocean, and cliffjumping unto the unknown while holding hands with you. I started feeling like every other girl. I fell in love.
The romantic side of me took over. I started to see the wonders of nature in a different perspective. Though you were not with me on some of my journeys, I secretly hoped you were there as I witness the marvelous love scene of sun going back to the arms of the seas, wish for “Forever” on a falling star, and exchange plans of tomorrows on every summit reached. I created dauntless dreams of both of us.
I was too hopeful that you’d feel the same way. Too hopeful, that is. I assumed even if there was actually nothing between us. Then it hit me straight to the face – it was an isolated case of unrequited love. A one-sided love affair. The greatest of all tragedies.
I’m writing this to you not to send off my outbursts. Writing is my way of letting go of my feelings for you. I don’t like to hold it anymore. Two years is enough. More than enough of hoping for something that won’t happen. I need to get back on my feet, conquer more mountains, chase sunsets, feel the rush of adrenaline, and live life as it should be. Because that is how it should be. And should it happen that we are for each other, what a relief it would be. But if not, still a relief it would be.
I hope you’ll soon find the love of your life. It may not be me, but I know she’ll be the right one for you. You’re a good person and I know God has prepared somebody of your worth. I pray that you can help more individuals with your kindness and aid in the preservation of our mountains and bodies of water.
You will always have a space in my heart.
Somebody that you used to know
PPS. Cover photo via Google. :) :) :)
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