Ah, it’s that time of the year again – time to rephrase the resolutions that failed for several years. Another attempt to make oneself better. But if we looked back on how we used to, aren’t we all getting better, if not wiser, thanks to all the failures we made? Do we really need a New Year to make promises that are, as always, doomed to be broken?
A week ago, while on trail to Busay, we saw this enigmatic landform that astoundingly stood amidst the thick fog covering the city. According to Jodel, it descends directly to Kalunasan, a neighboring barangay from where we had our group meetup. Probably seeing the curiosity and astonishment on our eyes, he suggested another hike that goes directly to the said mountain.
Nobody actually promised to commit on that suggestion, but we just found ourselves gathering again in Guadalupe to pursue such mission. Together with Debby, Maeng, James, and our lead, Jodel, we hiked four kilometers of cemented road in Kalunasan then ascended the ridges that led to the said mountain. In between assaults and endless conversations, we began to share each other’s aspirations – of going for more difficult trails and pursuing other disciplines, say trailrunning and swimming. It felt odd. Having to share these things with these people when in fact I’m still uncertain of what I wanted to do, of what I wanted to achieve. I’ve always admire people who are very much passionate with their goals that I always end up questioning my inability to generate my own.
What do I want? How do I see myself years from now? What do I want to achieve this year? What do I want to become?
I used to ace making essays about these. Crafting answers that would surely get excellent grades. But I’ve graduated long enough to know that there’s no use faking it up until now. And I’ve also aged enough to know that it’s okay.
It’s okay to be uncertain because no one actually knows what the future holds. It’s okay to keep your life unplanned because sometimes you have to allow life to surprise you – the way these people suddenly appeared at the last days of this year to remind me that I should not give up on hiking. It’s okay to fail over and over again because most of life’s best lessons are learned the hard way.
It’s okay to deviate from what you dreamt because you are entitled to more than just one. And it’s okay to not join the bandwagon and not have a resolution, because if you really want to commit into something, you don’t need a New Year to do that. Heck, you don’t even need people to know about it. You just do it.
Of course, I salute those who still commit to their promises and live true to their words. However, you don’t need to pressure yourself to immediately come up with one. In the meantime, keep your doors open for opportunities and allow the universe to conspire to make things happen.
Will I proceed with trailrunning, day hiking a major hike, or freediving? Why not, coconut.