Uncertain Thoughts

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When they say that the future is uncertain, I never thought that it would look like this: a world paralyzed by an imperceptible adversary. Borders indefinitely closed. Soldiers carrying lifeless bodies unharmed by ammunition. Families prohibited from their loved one’s burial. People identified as numbers. Health workers in the frontline. The world now is on its knees – pleading for a better tomorrow. Or waiting for an end.

It has been a week since the province was placed under community quarantine – and here I am, in full zombie mode. My mind is now a battle ground of apocalyptic thoughts – of what ifs and existential whys. I’m worried. And scared. I don’t know how long the family’s budget can sustain us. For how long the basic needs will be available in the market. How long can the government keep up. How long can the medical frontliners stand. I’ve always thought that I’m ready to die at thirty. Yet here I am, gasping for an extension, entertaining these uncertain thoughts.

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And while my mind continuous to confront questions that are so uncomfortable to answer, the view outside my window endows me with a fascinating scene of leaves dancing, clouds aimlessly loitering the blue skies, and sun exploding into thousands of warm colors. As if there’s no virus threatening the whole population. The promised summer of March has come – yet here we are imprisoned like the rainy days.

Yes, I’m not one to complain. There are those who have it worse than I do – contractual workers who are now unemployed, health workers fighting an unseen foe, government leaders who aren’t capable of handling these kinds of situations, and those barely hanging in the line. Life is essentially an endless series of problems. And we get to carry our own crosses – even of others too. We can’t deny the gravity of what we are facing. But we do continue. Breathing. Hoping. Surviving. Because… maybe there’s a reason why we are kept alive up until this day. Why we weren’t snap out of this universe, the way Thanos would want it.

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And this gives me the hope to continue. The fact that we still wake up each day, to a bright sunshine is already a message of hope. Our task is to keep going. And to help heal each other. To be part of the solution than of the problem. And I can’t wait for the day to come when we’d all look back to this day and say:

You know what? Back in 2020, a pandemic threatened the lives of many people around the world. Many got infected. And thousands died. But we managed to survive and help each other despite all inconveniences. I really that was the end of human race. But well, here I am. Truly, a ‘masamang damo’.


Let’s help each other? Let’s lend a helping hand to those in need? If you have a little extra, you may donate to this link or this to aid those medical workers with their needs. We only have each other, so better yet be a listening ear to those battling with uncertain thoughts as well? I’m available on Facebook,Twitter, and Instagram in case you need someone to talk. I’m not a good adviser, but I sure do listen.

(Thanks, Idas for hearing my woes. xoxo)

Hopefully, this crisis will end soon. Let’s keep praying for each other, for everyone, for all countries, and for those who were forgotten and neglected. Amen? Amen.