My other Twitter account has been the recipient of all my outbursts and breakdowns lately. Until last night, Fate asked in our group chat: What time do you sleep these days? A subtle version of ‘can you still sleep with all these political inconsistencies, lockdowns, and pandemic threats?’
I thought I was the only one having difficulty sleeping these days. This quarantine has been badly messing with my sleeping routine. I can no longer feign sleep by ten or eleven in the evening yet my body gets fully awake by four or five in the morning.
Why not. For a breadwinner, it gets difficult to think about how to finance the needs of the family – and how to survive this pandemic with work being fully put to halt. A month ago, I was still able to juggle four online projects all at the same time, but now, with the recession and online market relapse, what remains is a locally-financed customer service sideline – of which I don’t know until when can withstand.
My head is totally breaking. I’ve even come to a point of reviewing my lifetime policy – who knows how it would come in handy. The future has become more and more of a distant place these days. Nobody thought 2020 would look as bad as this.
We used to make fun of adulting. Create memes and inside jokes about it. Yet only those affected can feel the gravity weighing down with it. Much more with adulting in this time of coronavirus pandemic. Double kill – that’s how those online games describe it. Savage. Rampage.
It gets tiring to pacify ourselves. Of trying to see the silver lining when the horizon’s not even clear. Terribly tiring. Then I saw Rome’s post about an unofficial survey regarding mental health conditions in this state of pandemic: anxiety being the primary cause of foreseen death.
Last night, Ben&Ben released another single titled Doors. A self-interpretative song of the inability to open up with what is felt inside. I hope we all have a Fate who will ask how we are these days – someone we can also relate to. I hope we all have a support group to whom we can turn to when our brains no longer function as we want it to be. I hope we all have a secret Twitter account, or other places to vent our frustrations. I hope we all have an open-minded family who can accept us through and through.
And I hope we can better understand ourselves, forgive ourselves, and further pacify ourselves in this daunting time of history. I hope we get to survive all these. As Nescafe sings it: Anumang pait ang dinaranas mo, babangon tayo. Susulong tayo.
How are you these days? I’m really not a good adviser. Not much of a comforter. But I’m a good listener. Talk to me on Facebook or Instagram. If that feels uncomfortable, let’s altogether rant on Twitter. HAHA.